My Creepy Neighbor- Part Two

As I mentioned this guy puzzled me. I would leave for work in the morning and completely avoid making eye contact, as I was sure he would take this as a threat and I would be thrust into some half-assed duel with pistols or swords. This went on for a few months, pretty much every morning. It got to the point were I would check outside to see if he was in his lawn. I got to work late most days. Then one night we discovered him in the bar, Websters. Webster's is close to home and some of our friends own it. It is a good place to hang out, eat and what not. This guy, the neighbor, was sitting at the bar by himself with a pitcher of beer, chain smoking cigarettes..... Just crushing it!! Off his rocker drunk. Well naturally this led to some good banter between myself and neighbors and other friends that lived close by. What was this guy doing here, alone, getting plowed on draft beer. I guess he like the headache that much. This further added to the confusion and the general concern for my safety. Is this guy crazy? What is his story? After some additional research; Come to find out, he is in Websters every afternoon. Sometimes before the bar opens, he is at the door waiting. I mean, I have heard of getting a leg up on happy hour, but this is taking it to a whole new level. In addition to his early arrival and incredible consumption, he is a bar farter. Yes, he just sits in his spot, drinks, smokes and passes gas. Which to the other regulars is like being locked into a chamber plummeting into the bowels of hell. I heard from numerous sources that his flatulence smells atrocious. The odor resonates the stench involved with dead animals or the car ride with a Carnival worker. This was amusing to me and to many others. Unfortunately I got caught in the middle of some of his fire one night. I just walked up to the bar to grab another round for myself and some friends. All of a sudden, out of nowhere I was hit with a fog. This thing could have gagged a maggot. This thing was like a nuclear bomb going off.... you had the explosion and then the fallout, which was more than enough to wipe a village clean off the face of the earth. I locked up; I froze; I was in a daze; Some type of Mustard gas has just gone off in Webster's and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get it out my clothes. I remember thinking, how and the he!! am I going to look this evening walking around with fart smell on me? I already felt like my rights had been violated because of this event. This was awful! From that point on, I got my drinks from the waitress.