No Reservations?!?

Goofing off at the Mayan ruins

Mayan site #1 - Someone probably died

The Spread- L-R Clockwise: Sauteed Chicken, Fried Chicken, Octopus in Squid ink, Pork

Hanging out in the Agave field - possibly drunk

Crockett and Valo

I am sure that many of you have seen the tv show, "No Reservations". It comes on the 'Travel Channel' and is hosted by chef/writer Anthony Bourdain. Basically, he travels to a land/country/whatever and explores the place. Taking in on some local customs, eating the food, seeing ancient and historical points of interest. I think it is an interesting show and I also enjoy his writing. Well, my recent one day trip to Cozumel, Mexico was reminiscent of a typical episode of his program. I guess you could say that I had my own little version of "No Reservations".

So it went for me.....I stepped off the Carnival Fantasy cruise ship at 8:50 am, alone. I was alone because the other members of my crew had gotten off earlier and I was misinformed about the time that we were to rendezvous to depart the boat. I hung out in country for about 15 minutes. leaned up against a wall, looking and hoping that I would see someone that was with my group. The whole time I was thinking, well this is just great, I am going to have to wonder around this island by my damn self. Fortunately that didn't happen and two members of my group, who I will refer to as Bonnie and Clyde to protect there anonymity, came walking up. We talked for a spell and they were at the same conclusion that I was....the rest of the group must have foraged ahead without us. So after a good 30 minutes of just BS-ing we decided to go do something. We went into the marketplace that is essentially a tourist trap and just wondered through overpriced sombreros, shot glasses and edgy t-shirts. We stumbled upon a guy, who gave us a map of the island and instructed us to go outside and ask for Calderono. We went to the area outside the market where a variety of transports were located but we didn't find Calderono. Instead we met Valo Cardena. Valo works for a company that specialized in island tours. He had about 10 people waiting to get started and he gladly welcomed the three of us in. They like to get about 14 people in the van in order to maximize profit potential for a one day tour. Good thinking on there part I confess.

As he described, in his broken English, we would go to the middle of the island and see some Ancient Mayan ruins, tour the coastline and its significant points of interest, make time for shopping and eating, etc. So the random group of 13 struck out with Valo behind the wheel. It was a good 20-30 minute drive to essentially the middle of damn nowhere to the ruins. I am talking straight jungle. Kinda made me think of the movie, "Turistas". So I had an uneasy feeling considering that it was drizzling rain and I could have very well been on the menu at some sadistic, cultural, ritualistic beheading. But all that aside, I decided to trust the guy. I didn't really know what to expect of this upcoming tour of the ruins. I was thinking great temples where virgins were once slayed, but it was the remnants of what was once a semi-thriving civilization. There was an area that was described as the 'Community Water' locale, a dilapidated and weathered marketplace, and some areas of significance concerning the amount of columns and walls. It was very interesting, but yet hard to understand and easy to get sucked into taking photos and not paying attention. Our guide didn't speak the best form of English I had heard, but what do you expect. I mean, the guy looked like he was about 60 years old and probably had seen some shit that would put most men in a nuthouse. The tour overall lasted about an hour and we all met back up at the van, which was conveniently waiting for us outside the Mayan park. At this point, Valo put a curveball on us and instructed us that he had a place that he would like to take us that he thought we might like. It was an Agave field and it was along the path that we would be traveling. The van, as a consensus, agreed that would be fine. Little did I know what I was in for next.

So we arrive at the Agave field. It is a gated area with a double door main gate that you could drive a large vehicle through. The cost to tour the area and get an understanding of how tequila is made was $1. So we all filed out of the van and headed up the long gravel road to what can only be described as the Hacienda. I was thinking we were about to embark on another tour similar to the one at the Mayan ruins, where we have a guide that you can barely understand. WRONG!! We walk in and there are a ton of tourist or boat people, like ourselves and everybody is doing shots of tequila. I was like, WTF? The tequila tour wasn't just a tour. It was a sampling room with 6+ varieties of tequila that this place manufactures and distributes throughout Mexico. It is not sold in the US. "Tequila Cava Antigua" was the name of the place and it was pretty much ON at that point. Its kinda sad to say, but the first thing I had to eat in Mexico was tequila. It was good tequila and it only cost $1. We peruse around slamming shots, mixing up some of the shots with some of the tequila liqueurs and basically creating our own drinks. The guy had a good bit to say about how the tequila is grown, etc, blah, blah, blah, more shots senor. I don't think we were there but about a half an hour, but it seemed like all night. I was blasted. The funny thing about the van group was prior to the tequila farm, the van was relatively quiet and we were all strangers to each other. After that experience, we were high-fivin, exchanging cell phone numbers and pretty much becoming best friends. Amazing.... the power of alcohol.

A little tipsy later, the journey around the island continued. We were heading North along the coastline to an area that is solely inhabited by the locals. There was little to no electrical power available on this part of the island, but the scenery, despite the overcast skies and occasional drops of rain, was spectacular. Beautiful water, beautiful beach; lots of coral and rock formations in the water. You wouldn't want to try and surf it, but it was nice from an aesthetic appeal. As we make an about face from heading North to heading East along the coastline we stop at an area and a restaurant that is right on the beach. Valo told us that it has the best fish in all of Cozumel and I quickly understood why he would make that claim. The entire dining area is outside, underneath tents. The menu, well it changes daily and possibly hourly. Everything that is served is brought directly out of the water and there are boats with men spear-fishing throughout the day to provide the restaurant with its offerings. We weren't able to eat there because we had an itinerary to keep, but this portly senor in a speedo was hauling in a cooler full of snapper, some red, some yellow tail. In addition, the owner/host/greeter told me that they had just gotten some lobster in and they would be serving it within the hour. Oh if only we could have had the time. I am sure it would have been amazing. Well maybe one day I will be able to enjoy a meal there and if I ever get back to that part of the world you can bet I will.

Well the time is running short on us, we had to be back on the boat by 4:30 or else we were probably getting left. At this point it was 1:30 and we still had to drive back into the city and many of the passengers wanted to do some shopping before leaving the island. I was riding shotgun in the van and my peeps, Bonnie and Clyde, were riding a seat back so we were able to have a good dialogue with Valo for most of the trip. We talked about the economy, the locals, and what they do and where they eat and Valo told us that he would take us to a place, a little off the beaten path, to sample some of the local cuisine. We arrived in the downtown area and the other passengers, excluding the 3 of us, file out to the marketplace. Valo instructs them that he will be back at 3 pm to pick them up and take everyone back to the boat. So we strike out for the grub. First stop was located in the middle of what can only be described as the ghetto of Cozumel. It was like, bar, liquor store, run down house, bar, liquor store,...you get the idea and then we arrive on this side-steet. At this point, I am trusting Valo greatly but the whole area looks questionable. He has taken us to a local market. The place where all the locals come to buy groceries. Make no mistake, there are supermarkets, etc, and there version of Wal-mart, but this is where the locals and the poor locals at that shop. We stroll through the opening and into a variety of fruit and vegetable and pepper stands with vendors trying to sell there goods. Not so much the touristy vibe....no sombreros and shot glasses for sale here. It is all food and items of fare to lead a somewhat domesticated lifestyle. We turn the corner of the market area and there is a display of fresh fish, a man butchering what appeared to be a pig and another man working on a cow. Just breaking down the primals into subprimals for sale to the waiting customers. The back of the market has a little food vendor that has tacos, carnitas, etc. Unfortunately, we missed him. He sold out of all his goods and was shut down for the day. It was 2:15 in the afternoon. I guess it was a pretty good lunch.

The next place to try out was a taco stand just a little click North of the market called the, "El Camaron Dorado". Nothing but tacos and in all varieties. We started off with a octopus ceviche(Raw fish marinated in lime or lemon juice with olive oil and spices and served as an appetizer), octopus cooked in squid ink, a spiced pork, a sauteed chicken and a fried chicken. All were very good and I suppose it was somewhat adventurous of us to sample these foods, but we just told Valo to order what he would order and then give us some safe options. The octopus cooked in squid ink was fantastic. It was tender and rich and just popped with flavor. I am sure that everyone has tried or heard of Calamari. This is very similar, but Calamari can sometimes get rubbery when cooked. This wasn't rubbery at all. It basically melted in your mouth it was so tender. We got 2 more rounds of that along with the pork and the chicken variety. The meal was memorable and definitely worth waiting till mid afternoon to have. I would eat that exact same meal tomorrow if I could. It was that good. We finished up there and said our goodbyes and gracious to the chef and the staff and reunited with the shoppers of the trip. Valo dropped us off at our Port of call and we headed back to the boat to go back to the USA.

I am sure that many of you were thinking that I probably just got bombed at Carlos and Charlies. Never went in it, rode by it and waived, but that was as close as I came to it. I am glad that I took the other path or the path that I took. It was memorable and meaningful to be able to explore an island in a short period of time and to learn a little about the people, its drink and its food and to just do something a little different. I can't tell you when the next adventure will be, but I hope that it is as fun, if not better than this one. Crockett out.