Memorial Day... We missed it

Well, actually, I missed putting up a post. Mac is without computer at the moment so putting up a tribute to servicemen and servicewomen would be difficult from a BB. That's an acronym for Blackberry in case you were wondering. Anyway, I spent most of my Monday on the couch going in and out consciousness and old war movies. The Dirty Dozen, Kelly's Hero's, Midway, Pearl Harbor, you name it.. they were all on and I saw bits and pieces of most of them during my time awake. However, there was a movie on HBO that I caught the last 45 minutes of and I hate that I didn't catch it from beginning to end. What I saw was fantastic. The movie is "Taking Chance" and to give you a quick insight it is a story based on real life events of a volunteer military officer, Lt. Colonel Michael Strobl who accompanies the body of 19 year old Marine Chance Phelps back to his hometown of Dubois, Wyoming. Below is a quick plot summary that I acquired from IMDB:

In April, 2004, casualties mount in Iraq. At Quantico, choices focus on increasing troop strength or only replacing casualties. Lt. Col. Mike Strobl crunches numbers. Stung by his superior's rejection of his recommendation because he lacks recent combat experience, Strobl volunteers for escort duty, accompanying the remains Pfc. Chance Phelps, killed at 19. From Dover to Philadelphia by hearse, from there to Milwaukee and on to Billings by plane, and then by car to Phelps' Wyoming home - person after person pays respects. Kind words, small gifts, and gratitude are given Strobl to deliver to the family on this soul-searching journey.

It is and was a very moving film and I would recommend watching it for anyone regardless if you have friends or family enlisted in active duty or not. The trailer doesn't do it justice, but here it is anyway.

NBA Coverage

When Lebron hit that three at the buzzer the other night in game two, the NBA all of a sudden got interesting again. He is not the second coming of Michael Jordan yet, but dammit if he isn't on the right track. Because anybody who was alive in 90's knows about Jordan in the playoffs. And while I Lebron still has 6 Championships to win for him to be in the same sentence with Mike, I still think he is a really exciting player to watch and as far as I am concerned, the finals should be the Cavs vs. the Lakers. Cleveland has got a tough hill to climb being down 3-1 to Orlando and I don't see the series getting to a game 7 unless Orlando just goes cold. Orlando is playing pretty lights out right now. They built up a ton of momentum after the Boston series and it has carried over to the Cleveland series. The series could be over if it were not for the before mentioned 3-ball from the King and it really should be.

As for the Lakers, they will take care of business despite the loss that evened the series at two games a piece. Kobe will come out and win game 5 and the whole team will take care of game 6 while Kobe gets a triple-double. In a perfect world and what I am sure Commish David Stern is wishing for is what I have already mentioned, Cavs vs. Lakers in the finals and it going 7 games. It would be a huge boost to the league to have two of its top guns battle it out for the trophy, but everybody knows that. And seriously, do you want to watch the Nuggets and the Magic in the finals? Nothing against Dwight Howard or Carmello Anthony and there respective teams. They are great players and have great teammates and support staff, but we are talking about a business called the NBA and Kobe and Lebron put asses in the seats, whether it be at the arena or the couch or the barstool. It would be a huge Money maker just like last year when it was Boston vs Lakers. Anyway, I have enjoyed the NBA again for the first time in years so that has been nice.

Hola Maricons!

Just wanted to post and say that I made it here just fine. Please excuse My absence from the blog as I am without a computer at the moment. I will try to post periodically from my phone as I am doing now but be patient as it is very hard.

Priceless!!!

I friggin love this!! And for good reason. We have all been in this situation, at least I have multiple times. Out of town, Destin.. Memphis, whatever. You catch a cab because you are obviously in no shape for driving and you stumble upon a cool cab driver. An eclectic person who is well versed in street vernacular and in personality. You find yourself piled into the cab in the same manner and just rocking out. Classic stuff and what memories. I hope that when I get old enough to forget most things I can still remember these moments because they are truly priceless moments of hilarity. Enjoy.

Mustache Obituary

In a world of cynicism, the mustache stood out. Some call it bravery, some stupidity, others well, they just didn't know what to call it. Nearly a month into its inception, the mustache's life came to a tragic end with the decisive work of a razor known in the grooming world as a Gillette Mac 3 Turbo. The mustache had a good life, it was a gambler and right it should have been as it was brought into this unique world on a gamble. A gamble lost! So with a humble heart and a clean face, I bid farewell and adieu to the mustache. Long live its power, it charm, its mystique, and its shadiness. The mustache did not appeal to all, but it appealed to some. And while friends were lost, new ones were made and people got to see a person who legitimately has big f#$king balls because that mustache was rocked with blatant disregard for human life. The mustache drew no quarter and asked for none as well. The mustache took things as they came and accepted the reactions he got and gave them back when it could. But like all good things, they must come to an end and it was time for a new chapter in Crockett's life. What is that you say? Who knows? But for now it will be mustache free. Au revoir la Moustache, au revoir!!

Macarthur....Out!!

That's right, Mac made the pilgrimage to San Antonio just yesterday. Actually he struck out Saturday and drove half or more of the trip and then finished it off on Sunday. As we mentioned before, Mac is not leaving the column, just the city of Greenwood and the State of Mississippi. He's a Texan now, which means Lone Star beer, Frito Chile Pies and Senoritas from here on out. Yeah, some would call it a perfect life. Sure as hell ain't far from it, but others will vary. Anywho, just thought I would write this so I could have something to go with the picture. This was taken the Friday before he left. I know what you are thinking, that's him on the right,... the Mexican looking fellow. No, that's Crockett and his mustache that has affected the lives of many, many people... good and bad. Best of Luck out there Mac!

Bonus NBA Playoff Coverage

Thats right, we don't cover the NBA here, but we are today because I cannot think of anything better than some postseason action. If any of you care, you thank 'big baby' and Lebron for this post. Cavs sweep Atlanta ; Dallas avoids sweep by squeezing by Denver ; Houston and L.A. and Boston and Orlando are both tied at 2-2 a piece.Hope you liked the coverage. If you are alive you have already seen this but still it's what makes postseason play so special, unlikely heros coming up big in the clutch. On a side not, the little fat kid that got shoved after the shot is demanding an apology. Here is the story via the 'Barstool'. What did you expect junior, you were in the big mans way.




Orlando Sentinel - Let the drama begin. Orlando Magic fan Ernest Provetti is demanding an apology from Glen “Big Baby” Davis after the Celtics’ thrilling Game 4 win in Orlando Sunday. Why exactly? Provetti said Davis shoved his 12-year-old son Nicholas with such force after Davis made a game-winning jumper, that Nicholas’ baseball cap catapulted into the air and his son dove into his courtside seat. Provetti sent an e-mail to the NBA League office this morning. He said Davis crossed the line, literally, and embarrassed his son. “The NBA makes it clear to not cross the sideline,” he said in a telephone interview. “If I cross that line, the NBA will take away my tickets. It’s a double standard.” In the e-mail, Provetti said Davis conducted himself like a “raging animal with no regard for fans’ personal safety.” Provetti moved to Orlando from New Jersey last year and is opening another branch to his toy company, Team Trinity. He was previously a fan of the Celtics because he watched Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers as a former player for the New York Knicks from 1992-94. Provetti saw the video clip online this morning. He did not think it was funny. “How do you like to be a 12-year-old and see a raging lunatic coming at you?”

HAHA! Is this not the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard of in your life? Hey fat kid wake up! Don’t sit in the front row like an asshole when Big Baby is coming through. And don’t blame us that the Celtics gave you and your precious little “Beat Boston” shirt a facial. Just chalk it up to a life lesson. Because the sooner you realize that Boston rules and you suck the better off you’ll be. So go home, shut up, lay off the ding dongs and cry in your pillow like the little pussy you are because this series is over. Bottom line is that if anybody deserves an apology here it’s me for having to read this garbage.



PS - Free Barstool hat to anybody who can make sense of this quote;

He was previously a fan of the Celtics because he watched Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers as a former player for the New York Knicks from 1992-94.

Thanks Prez

Well this takes a load off my mind

Tuesday Chuckle

This is pretty much everyday of my life, thanks for the description Cosmo

Creepy neighbor update

If you have followed anything in regards to this blog then you know of this man. You also should be inclined to know that he is a relentless ditch cleaner out guy after a rain. And based on the current conditions around these parts there is plenty of water to get moving and run off to its final destinations. So anyway, I am outside viewing the yard after the torrential rains that came upon us today and low and behold who walks out there front door. Rake in hand mind you. It was like he was just sitting inside, waiting for it to stop so he could get to work. Clearly the man has a passion for this craft and how fortunate for me to live next to this multi-talented man. He spent a good 20-30 minutes out there raking leaves out, piling them away from the canals to keep a good flow and ensuring proper drainage. I watched him work, I didn't have anything else to do and it was kinda nice to see a person of his skill display a craft that is clearly overlooked and under appreciated. I didn't thank him because I didn't want to talk to him and plus he looked like he was in a zone. Not the kinda zone you see with guys in the playoffs, but one of hate and disdain for rainwater. This could go back to the days when he was in the sh!t in Nam, but who really knows. Anyway, thanks neighbor.

F' Today!!! Part Three

Last one I promise. Today has been a waste. If this can't get you through the last fifteen minutes of the workday, then I can't help you!!

F' Today!!! Part Two

Actually this is more like it. If you are at your desk, now would be a good time to throw your stapler at someone. F' IT!!!

F' Today!!!

It never got this bad but it was a pretty terrible day. Also, this is the dumbest, most ridiculous video I have ever seen. It is terrible, just like today. I know you will agree, so F' it!!

Belated Happy Mothers Day

This was too funny to not post. A little edgy, but then again these are the same guys that brought us the classic, "D!ck in a box"...Enjoy

Coleman, No. 3 Tigers Shutout Gators, 4-0

LSU senior right-hander Louis Coleman hurled eight scoreless innings and the third-ranked Tigers collected 11 hits to shutout No. 11 Florida 4-0 in front of a school-record crowd of 9,131 Saturday night in Alex Box Stadium.

With the victory, the Tigers (38-13, 18-8) won their third consecutive SEC series and their eighth conference series of the season. LSU has won 12 of its last 13 league series, dating back to last season.

Coleman (10-2), the reigning SEC pitcher of the week, notched his second consecutive dominant performance, allowing only four hits while walking one and striking out seven. Coleman has not allowed a run in his last 17 innings, dating back to April 25 against Auburn.

“Coleman always has so much poise and composure and competitive zeal,” LSU head coach Paul Mainieri said. “He never makes excuses when a play isn’t made behind him; he just goes out and gets the next guy. That’s what makes him a winner.”

http://www.lsusports.net/ViewArticle.dbml?&ATCLID=3736211&DB_OEM_ID=5200

Wolf Moon Shirts.. Hottest thing out there

I got this email today from a friend and legal advisor about a product on Amazon.com and this was just to classic not to share....I have posted a few of the reviews of this item and if you don't think they are funny then you are dead and should be buried. It is really hard for me to say which one is my favorite, there are several pages of these...I am even going to give you all the link so you can entertain yourself with these whenever you want.

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/product-reviews/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_1?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0

Dual Function Design, November 10, 2008

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women

Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

Synergy, May 4, 2009

I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God.

Oh sweet Jesus this thing rocks, May 5, 2009

I have been wearing this shirt for about 15 weeks and I have not needed to wash it! You don't put this shirt on your torso you put it on your soul. The day I bought this shirt I lost 300 lbs! I got a new chevy, a new Trailer and my kids quit meth. I now know that the moon on this shirt is not a picture but the moon itself. I am the Moon Star!!!!!!!

Feed Your Inner Wolf, May 6, 2009

Last night I was wearing the Wolf shirt and clipping my toenails. Of course I was drinking whiskey because who doesn't love to get drunk and clip their toenails. Halfway through the bottle I couldn't tell if my pinky toe had any nail left, so I just kept clipping and clipping until I saw blood. Then I felt the Wolf; I had to taste the sweet blood. The flavor made me hunger for more as I began gnawing my foot until I was overcome with raw Wolf aggression. The whiskey in my blood only made my flesh taste more delicious, and made me more drunk. I began to get lightheaded and I took a nap.

PROS: Awesome Wolf graphic.

CONS: Missing foot.

Why can't Amazon have more stars? 5 ain't enough!, May 6, 2009

So I'm looking for threads that say, "Hey baby...I'm real boss!" when I stumble upon this epic creation. The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together. I mean, one wolf howlin at the moon is major...but three??? I ordered next-day air (if only there was same day!), and, of course, a size smaller than usual to ensure the closeness of the wolves to my chest hair. When the package arrived, I tore it open, and I SWEAR angels sang. I think it was Freebird. I immediately removed my "No Fat Chicks" shirt, and replaced it with this finery. Lemme tell you: AW YEAH. I'll spare the details of my conquests since I started wearing this shrit; suffice to say, I'm swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-Tel infomercials. I'm also more confident at work, and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt (I should say "shirts", since I now own 23 of them).

Pure Fabulousness, May 5, 2009

I purchased this shirt with the intention of giving it to my father. I knew he would feel it was fabulous and wear it with proud distinction. What I did not anticipate was the compelling gaze of Wolf #3. Upon opening the package I was instantly enraptured by its eyes and knew without a moment's doubt that my father could not have this t-shirt. It had to be mine. Fate mocked me, however, for the gift arrived on Father's Day and I had no choice but to give it to him. The anguish I was forced to endure was beyond the most savage of torments Hell could bestow upon the lowliest of mortals. What choice was I given? I murdered my father in a fit of jealous rage. I sometimes pay a prostitute to wear the t-shirt and visit me in prison just so I can look lovingly upon it.

Shamwow with Wolves, May 6, 2009

I liked the design of this Tshirt so much that I ordered two of them. Then the idea came to me that I could use them as seat covers in my Camaro because I'm all about classing up my ride. I stretched the Wolf shirts over the backs of my Camaro seats and it's now the hottest car in the entire trailer park. Unfortunately my T-tops started leaking the other day, and before I could fix them up with some duct tape the Wolf shirts got a little wet. But the Wolf shirts lapped up the water like a ShamWow. A ShamWow with bitchin' wolves on it. Not much hope for the Kraco 8 track player, though. Maybe if the tape player had wolves on it, it would still work too. Long live the Wolf T-shirt.

Profiling!! Its wrong...

So as many of our readers know I have a mustache. I lost a bet and honored it by rocking this unique facial hair treat. The deal was for a week , but we are well into week three and it has kinda grown on me... no pun intended. Anyway, I made my first official public appearance the other night at a local establishment that has been mentioned on here more than I can count, Webster's. The place had a good crowd, I knew my people would be there... figured it would be a good night and a good time to share this joy that I have bestowed upon my upper lip. I walk in and immediately I am getting high fives, thumbs ups from across the bar... People are digging it. Awesome!! So I venture outdoors to have what would be multiple cigs and that's when I ran into the girls. I will refer to them as the girls to keep it short, but these are friends that are female. It wasn't as well received from them as it was the fellows. I was called everything from a Mexican to a criminal that specializes in driving around a van with 'Free Candy' written on the side. This did not waiver my enthusiasm for the stache. I was proud of it and felt they were just in a bit of shock. Then something peculiar happened, one female felt the need to compare me to dirty ass old man that used to drive and El Camino from her hometown. She is a transplant, not originally from Greenwood and is lucky to be living here as far as I am concerned. This was not a big deal, however, the next day I received a text from this transplant that was a jest pointed towards my mustache. I didn't even dignify the text with a response. The hell with her and her shenanigans.

So, this led to the ole wheels a spinning in the head and I decided to do a little experiment. I felt that I would get the response that I was looking for as this person has a history of running things into the ground. So, I went to this persons place of employment... she is in retail... to see if my theory and thoughts would be proven correct. I figured that I would walk in and she would laugh and make some chastising remark as this is all this person has to do is make fun of people...look in the mirror please. My plan was to bounce as soon as she went after me and then tell her that I would do my shopping elsewhere. Well, true to form, she did what I thought she would do, she laughed. I did a sort of about face and headed out the door. She followed, speaking my name in a tone just below a yell, like she was trying to wrangle up a loose dog. I got to my car door... she was at the door of the business and I told her, " I am gonna shop somewhere else". Sure, it seems a little petty, but the point of exercise was to see if her response would be exactly what I thought it would and it was. I was profiled because of this mustache. It started on Saturday, continued on Sunday and came to a peak on Wednesday.

If I was a lesser man, I would have just let her keep on busting me up, but I didn't. By doing what I did, she got the impression that I was upset with her and that got the wheels a spinnin in the old noggin. They should be spinning, although I don't know where they are going, but you just can't manage a store and laugh at every dude with a stache. Although, I bet the next man that walks in wearing one will be greated with a smile that has laughter and disdain behind it just as my greeting did. So in closing I would like to put forth my best PSA and say just because a cat has a stache doesn't mean he is from South of the border or is a pederast who did six months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. He might just be someone who lost a bet so please be kind...bitch

CRAWFISH BY THE LAKE '09