Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Is this seriously okay?

So I am in the grocery this morning getting a few things that are required to live; lunch meat, bread, paper towels, etc.. I am perusing the cereal aisle trying to decide between 'Wheaties' and 'Cookie Crisp' and an elderly lady is heading towards me. I say elderly because she had to be scaring the hell out of 75. Anyway, I navigate my cart to the side as to not take up too much of the aisle and give her clear and safe passage by me in the event she wished to pass on by. As she approaches I greet her with a good morning and she kinda nods... no big deal that she didn't reply. Well she stops right there by me and is checking out the contents of the other side of the aisle. I didn't pay any attention to what she was looking at as it was really none of my business. A few seconds into us clogging up the aisle a foul odor came over me. A stench that would rival the type of flatulence that is normally reserved for bar hounds that consume draft beer...see "My Creepy Neighbor". It was rather unpleasant and I was forced to abort my cereal purchase as I was sure that everything but the 'Honey Smacks' were tainted at this point. Nothing against 'Honey Smacks' they are just located away from the direction the cart was pointed and I surely wasn't going back into the lions den of stale air biscuits.

As I was walking off, I was shocked, disgusted and appalled that this seemingly nice little old lady just crop dusted me in the grocery. Wow, a new first in my life. Sure, we have all been exposed to someone else's hot box in public places, but the grocery!! I had no other choice but to head north a few aisles to the meat section and pray for fresh air. As I continued on, I approached every aisle with a certain hesitation normally reserved for stalking as I was concerned of getting trapped in a aisle with this woman again. I had officially lost track of what else it was that I came to get at the store so I just walked around and tried to get the stank out of my nose. Upon deciding to go ahead and get out of the store, I notice that the gassy granny is checking out. So, I decided to hang back and look at some magazines while she took care of her bill and I did not go to the same line she had been occupying for fear that might have sprayed the checkout lane. Fortunately, I was able to escape without any further extracurricular perfumes attached to my senses and go about my day in relative peace.

But seriously, is this the world we live in now? I know things are tough out there. There is the war on terrorism, the health care issue, unemployment. But this does not give anyone, including little old ladies, the right to mutiny and just start busting ass on unreluctant strangers in the grocery. This can't be where we are headed as a society and if it is, I will fight fire with fire. I cannot imagine a society of rapid grocery store flatulence. I just can't and I will not tolerate it and neither should you. So, with that being said, be aware in the grocery. A rather nice older person may be bringing something to the table in passing and it might not be a friendly hello.

1 comment:

MacArthur said...

She probably shit in her depends